Alphabetical Haircuts

Today I got my first haircut in 7 months, meaning I got my First Brazilian Haircut. It was a very cheap and untraumatizing experience, though I was introduced to an interesting concept: Alphabetical Haircuts. For about a week I had been preparing my head and my mind for what would soon be underway, learning Portuguese haircutting lingo as to be able to describe exactly what I wanted and completely stifle all creativity flowing from the artist's scissortips: little off the bottom, more layers, SIMPLE, easy to take care of, bangs. I learned the word for layers, and I learned to say "Not in a V" because apparently all Brazilian women want their (generally long) hair to be cut into a point, like a V. Here is the conversation that ensued when discussing the shape I would like my hair to take:

Me: "...and I don't want it in a V..."
Her: "No V??!!"
Me: "No, just straight across at the bottom, please."
Her: "Straight across?" uncomfortable silence "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes. Yes I am sure." (I've been getting the same haircut since 8th grade, with only a slight change in the addition of bangs a few years ago. YES I am sure.)
She begins flipping through a hair magazine, searching for the right picture to confirm my incredibly boring request. Stops at a "V" to make sure, again, that I don't want it. I don't. She gets to a picture of a pretty blonde with pretty curls and points to it with a hopeful gleam in her eye...
Her: "Do you like this? This one is nice. This one is cut in a "U". Do you like the U? I think it's very pretty. Can I cut it in a U?"
Me: "Yes. Fine. Cut it in a U."

Just please don't cut it in a G, or a C, or a P, or a Y, or an X, or any other letter that's asymmetrical or should never be used to describe a haircut.

After all was said and done, I actually was quite satisfied with my U. Hey, maybe now I'll even start throwing that into my list of requirements. "No V, but I'm quite fond of the U..."

Ohhhhhh Brazil....